No contact means no contact. Not reduced contact. Not "only when necessary." Not "just to check in." No phone calls. No texts. No social media. No driving past their house. No asking mutual friends how they are doing. No reading their posts. Nothing.
This is not cruelty. This is survival.
Why No Contact Is Essential
Every interaction with the predator reactivates the trauma bond. Every text you read triggers the same neurochemical cycle that kept you trapped. Every conversation, no matter how brief, gives them an opening to manipulate you. A predator with access to you is a predator with power over you.
The trauma bond is an addiction. No contact is sobriety. And just like any addict knows, one hit can undo months of recovery.
But What About...
Shared children. Shared finances. Shared business. These situations make full no contact difficult but not impossible. In these cases, use structured contact: communication only through a mediator, attorney, or parenting app. Keep all exchanges in writing. Limit communication to logistical necessity with zero emotional content. Do not take their bait when they try to escalate a scheduling email into an emotional confrontation.
The Hoover Attempt
When you go no contact, the predator will escalate. They will try everything. Apologies. Tears. Threats. Emergencies. Gifts. Messages through other people. They may show up at your work, your church, or your home. They may threaten self harm. This is the hoover, named after the vacuum brand, because they are trying to suck you back in.
Every hoover attempt is evidence that no contact is working. If it were not threatening their control, they would not be fighting so hard against it.
Stay the course. The full no contact protocol and hoover defense strategy is in The Dark Room. If you are struggling to maintain no contact, coaching with Dr. Hines can provide the accountability and structure you need.