You know you should leave. Part of you has known for a long time. But every time you start moving toward the door, something stops you. It is not a locked door. It is not physical restraint. It is a fog so thick you cannot see the exit, and every step forward feels like walking off a cliff.
That fog has a name. FOG: Fear, Obligation, Guilt. These are the three chains predators use to keep you exactly where they want you.
Fear
What if they retaliate? What if they turn the kids against you? What if they destroy your reputation? What if they hurt themselves and blame you? What if nobody believes you?
The predator has spent months or years training you to fear the consequences of independence. They have shown you, through carefully timed demonstrations, what happens when you step out of line. The fear is not irrational. It is conditioned. They taught you to be afraid of them, and now that fear is the first chain holding you in place.
Obligation
"After everything I have done for you." "You made a commitment." "God hates divorce." "What about the kids?" "You owe me."
Obligation is the predator's favorite tool in faith communities. They wrap their control in the language of duty, covenant, and sacrifice. They make leaving feel like a moral failure. They position themselves as someone you owe a debt to, a debt that can never be fully repaid.
Real obligation is mutual. It flows both ways. If you are the only one sacrificing, adapting, apologizing, and carrying the weight, that is not obligation. That is servitude.
Guilt
"If you leave, it will destroy me." "You are abandoning your family." "How could you do this to someone who loves you?" "What kind of Christian walks away?"
Guilt is the sharpest weapon in the predator's arsenal because it turns your own conscience against you. The better person you are, the more guilt works on you. Predators know this. They target empathetic people precisely because guilt is so effective on them.
Cutting Through the FOG
Name each chain. When you feel paralyzed, ask yourself: "Is this fear, obligation, or guilt?" Just identifying which chain is holding you gives you leverage against it.
Challenge the source. Did they install this fear? Did they create this obligation? Did they manufacture this guilt? If the emotion was put there by the person who benefits from you staying, it is a chain, not a conviction.
The full FOG dismantling protocol is in The Dark Room. Take the assessment to measure how much FOG is operating in your life right now. And if you need a guide through the fog, Dr. Hines is available for private coaching.